Rabbi's Blog

Friends,

Tomorrow night we begin the deep journey of Yom Kippur, yet our tradition invites us to use the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur as a time for apology and forgiveness, through deeds, words and the spirit of understanding and generosity which should embrace us all. This is not easy work and sometimes, we all know, saying those words “I am sorry. Please forgive me,” are the hardest to say.  Our relationships are complex and sometimes painful and, inevitably, there is hurt that needs healing. Jewish tradition is clear: we can’t use ritual, or God as a way of avoiding this interpersonal work. The Mishnah states: ‘Yom Kippur atones only for sins between a person and God. With regard to sins between person and person, Yom Kippur only atones if one has first sought to appease one’s fellow.”  

Most of the hurts we give and receive have been through painful and careless speech, words which are difficult to take back, but words can also heal, especially when they speak of love, forgiveness and compassion.  In these final hours before Yom Kippur, I encourage and invite us all to find the strength to have the conversations we need to have, even by email or, dare I say it, text message.

I have been aware recently that I have not been as present as I would like to be with some of you and I have not been good this year at keeping more in touch with members that I have not seen for a while.  If any of you have been hurt by this absence and distance, please accept my apology. 

I am very grateful for this community and its leadership, both professional and lay.  Jeff Davis has been a very present and supportive and hard working president and our office under Kit Colorado’s leadership is wonderful.  Yet, there have been times where I have been rather moody and negative and for these I apologize too.

I want to offer the blessing to each of us and to those we love and to those we struggle with, that we have the awareness and sensitivity to know who we have hurt and the strength and courage and humility to reach out for forgiveness; may our hearts be receptive and open also with the capacity to forgive those who have hurt us. May we all be written and sealed for a life of abundance and generosity!  At the end of this message, I am sharing some words from my friend, teacher and rabbi, Rabbi Jonathan Wittenberg in London.

Gmar chatimah tovah – a complete seal of goodness!

Rabbi Marc

 From Rabbi Jonathan Wittenberg

Apology and forgiveness are about humility, understanding and kindness. It’s an important part of our humanity to be able to acknowledge to ourselves and others that we have faults, are capable of being mistaken, sometimes act wrongly and can’t always manage to live up to being the kind of person we’d love to be. Life is often tender and raw, and it matters to have sufficient compassion to be aware of and sorry about the hurts we sometimes inflict. It’s important, too, to have the understanding and generosity not to hold onto every wrong done to us. Other people have their struggles, pressures and weaknesses too.

When we forgive, we don’t erase the past; we neither have the capacity to do so, nor would it necessarily be a good thing. Rather, we put the importance of the relationship as a whole ahead of the particular hurtful event. While it remains something to learn from, we commit to no longer consciously holding the incident against the other person. Often we do this instinctively because our companionship matters more than its failings. Or we work our way towards understanding to help free us from the pain and potential bitterness of a difficult past.

Sometimes the other person is beyond our reach and we are left with the burdens of anger and guilt. Perhaps those are the times when we need to talk to a trusted friend, or to God, or simply to ourselves, and ask, for our own good as much as for any others involved, that resentment and remorse be melted or at least mitigated by compassion and understanding.